Does the thought of changing a man seem controlling and manipulative? If it does, you’re on the right track.
It’s true that some men might expect, or even like a woman influencing them. However, this is probably truer when a relationship first starts out. Men tend to complain a lot about nagging and controlling women, and then turn right around and spend a lot of time and money in pursuit of those same women.
Most men will go out of their way to impress a woman during the first few weeks or months of dating. In this initial phase, they’re full of passion for the woman, and willing to express it too, which allows them to maintain a level of certainty about their feelings. They’re open to suggestions about changes in their behavior at this point.
After this stage is over, though, you’ll find that men, like any other human, will resist changes to their behavior. Many women feel that if they were conventionally pretty enough, or knew the “right” way to act or think, they would be able to influence their man and change his behavior.
To a certain degree, it is possible for a woman to influence a man in many different ways. In fact, some women have an almost magical effect on men. If I had to prove this concept, I’d set up this simple experiment. I would take a room full of 15 high school boys between the ages of 15-16 years old that were acting disrespectfully to the teacher. Then I would make one simple change to get them to act differently.
I would put double the number of girls in the room.
Just that one little change would cause those boys to act differently. They would become more self-conscious. They would find that the behavior that impresses their friends is not very appealing to the girls. Even though some of them would still try and show off, most of them would not.
I am certain that I could not make every boy behave, but enough would be concerned with what the girls thought of them that the overall attitude and/or atmosphere of the schoolroom would improve significantly. So the question arises: how can you change a man? And what can you change?
So What Can You Change in a Man?
He’s a great guy, but he just doesn’t dress up for important occasions!
A haircut would suit him so much…
Did he just scratch in public?
Why is he such a bad gift-giver?
All of these are examples of flaws that you can influence your man to change for you. For instance, you could purchase him a gift certificate to a good barber, or take him shopping for better clothes for formal occasions. You can tease him about his bad habits, and drop heavy hints about what you like so he puts more consideration into his gifts.
Minor irritations like these are easily corrected by the influence you should already hold over him. If he respects you enough, he’ll recognize why his behavior is a problem for you and work to change it.
And What Can’t You Change?
As a woman, you can influence a man, but you cannot change a man’s moral character. At least, you can’t do this without his invitation or desire. If he lies, then he will continue to lie, no matter how sexy you dress, or how beautiful you are. If he is lazy, then he will continue to be lazy, no matter how encouraging you are. If he is mean or selfish or inconsiderate, you won’t be able to change those characteristics, not unless he has recognized those traits in himself, and is already working to change them.
You can’t change a man’s feelings about commitment, how he deals with money, his core values, or his feelings about an ex. And you definitely cannot change abusive behavior or cheating tendencies. In such cases, it’s better to cut your losses and leave.
Why Do You Want to Change Him?
So just why do you want to change your man? After all, he seemed perfect when you first met, and now his actions irritate you. So why do you feel the need to make him different from how he was?
Well, perhaps you’ve settled for a man who’s not your ideal, just because you think he’s the best you can do, or because you don’t want to be alone. If you’re in such a relationship, you may think you can improve your situation by changing him.
The fact of the matter, however, is that the only person you can truly change is yourself. If the urge to change your man is too strong, it warrants some introspection: could it be that the two of you aren’t right for each other?
Or perhaps you’ve been in denial about who he is. Maybe you’ve wanted a relationship so badly you’ve blinded yourself to certain aspects of his personality. If that’s the case, maybe it’s time to wise up to the person he really is.
What Should You Change?
This question all comes down to what you want out of a relationship. To figure this out, you need to understand what your own personal deal-breakers are. For example, maybe your guy is a bit of a slob and keeps leaving his socks all over the place. You’ve told him again and again to pick up after himself; and while he makes an effort, he still slips up sometimes. Is this enough of a problem that you can’t see yourself being with this man? Probably not. If it annoys you, talk to him about it, but it isn’t that big a problem in the grand scheme of things.
On the other hand, perhaps you want to wait to have kids and he doesn’t. In this case, there’s a fundamental mismatch in what the two of you have planned out for your lives. You can’t hope to change his feelings on the issue, just as he can’t hope to change yours.
In conclusion, a man only changes when he wants to. The biggest reason he wants to change for a woman is because of her emotions. Here’s a secret most women never discover – your emotions can create a Campfire Effect with men. This is when a man feels captivated and spellbound just being in your presense.
Click here for the quick video which gifts you with the glamor and allure of the Campfire Effect.
